Feudalism: You have two cars, and your lord uses them whenever he feels like, returning them dirty, for which you are grateful.

Fascism: You have two cars, the government then takes both, hires you to take care of them and collects the fare you should have earned if they were taxis.

Pure Communism: You have two cars. Your neghbours help you take care of them, you all go out on picnics together in the car. The cars last forever.

Applied Communism: You have two cars. Your neighbours have to help you take care of them but the Commissar's family goes out for a picnic in your cars while the other one is out on Police duty. At night, your neighbours steal parts but you can never buy a new car.


Dictatorship: You have two cars. The government takes both and shoots you.

Military Rule: You have two cars. The government seizes both and drafts you.

Capitalism: You steal two cars from a poor neighbourhood. You mate them. The fleet grows. You retire on the income and a third world crew keeps driving them and cleaning them. One day the third world crew steals them. Start circle again.

Democracy: You have two cars. All your neighbours decide who gets to use them.

Representative Democracy: You have two cars. Your neighbours choose who will decide who gets to use the cars.

Primitive Democracy: You have two cars. Your neighbours choose the biggest guy to decide who gets to use the cars. He does.

Indian Democracy: You have two cars. You never register them, you pay no taxes, you block others but you demand better roads. Government blames ISI for bad road conditions and internal security forces commandeer your cars, returning them without the a/c.

Pakistani Military Democracy: You have two cars. The landlord/politician takes both, puts all the male members of your family behind bars and accuses you of match-fixing as well as voting in the past elections. When you ask for your cars, blames RAW.

Singapore Democracy: You have two cars. The government awards you ten lashes for not keeping the tyre-treads free of dust.

Bangladesh Democracy: You have two cars. The government seizes them because the dashboard says "kilometres" in English.

African Democracy: You have two cars. Both are taken over by the UNDP & the UN Security Forces. You get to wave at them (the cars) when the forces take them (the cars) back home.

South American Democracy: You have two cars. The government takes both and sends them to Zurich, and spares you a death sentence if you give them the key to the engine immobiliser.

USA Democracy: The government promises you two cars if you vote for them. After the election the President is impeached for speculating in auto company futures so you get to choose between a donkey and an elephant.

Canadian Democracy: You have two cars. One is French and the other British. Quebec demands the French car, you sue each other, your legal bills exceed your annual income, you go bankrupt, and settle out of court.

British Democracy: You have two cars. Both don't run too good, so the Government changes the side the steering wheel is on and sell them to the French. You get a traders commission.

French Democracy: You have two cars. You give them to your mistresses and claim complete tax deductions, nobody cares. Your wife also has two cars which you did not give her, nobody cares.

Australian Democracy: You buy two cars for Aus $ 40,000/-. You pay the Government Aus $ 8,000/- for stamp duty, Aus $ 8,000/- per annum Sanitation Tax, Aus $ 3,000/- per annum Council Charges, Aus $ 8,000/- per annum Compulsory Insurance and Aus $ 6,000/- per annum as Road Tax. So you re-design the car into a 4WD SUV and sell it to New Zealand, the Australian Government then imports buses and bus drivers from Vietnam, and you live on the dole forever.

Euro Community Democracy: You have two cars. The Committe regulates when you can fill them and with fuel from where, so you have to always drive 800 kilometres for that in the middle of the week. Then they regulate when you can use them. Then they pay you not to use them. Then they regulate that you have to scrap one car. All the time you have to fill up forms.

Hong-Kong "Restricted" Democracy: You inform the Government that you will sell all three of your two cars to your publicly-listed company. You then open letters of credit with the help of your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with general offer so that you get all four cars back, and claim a tax deduction for eight cars. The taxi earning rights of the 12 cars are then transferred via a Panamian intermediary to a Cayman Islands Company, secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells all 16 cars back to the listed company. The annual report claims that you own 20 cars with an option on 8 more. Meanwhile, both cars vanish in Kowloon Bay on a trawler to be resold in Macau under false papers and you shut your company due to bad "feng shui". The Hong Kong Government then gives you two cars again. From Mainland China.

Albanian Totalirasiam: You have two cars. The Government seizes both and denies they ever existed. Your driving licence is also seized. The cars re-surface in Italy as 2 Vespa scooters each.

Surrealism: You have two cars. Both don't work. You start a website and call it "cybersteering.com".

Political Correctness: You are associated with two cars of no specific age or gender.

Cricket: You have two cars. Both are fixed all the time but deny it all the time.

The "Auto Guru" is passing through a bit of a purple patch and promises to deliver better stuff soon.